Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
