By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
