We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
