I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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