so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
