You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
