so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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