we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
