woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
