I will die if light touches me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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