Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
