There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
