So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
