i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
