i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
