My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
