I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
