Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
