is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
