ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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