So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
