I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
