It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
