Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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