I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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