Welp...herpes.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
