you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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