I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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