she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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