i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I will be naked everywhere
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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