get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
