he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
