For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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