But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
