theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
