They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
