I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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