The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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