i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
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