We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
