Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
