You really coming over, don't trick.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
