threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
