Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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