The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
