just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
In other news, I just burned my penis
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
