i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
