I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My vagina is very pro this idea
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
