he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
