Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
