Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
