You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
