I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
