I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
