why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
